The Wacky Warehouse

OK, big confession time: I was, and still am, TOTALLY obsessed by the Wacky Warehouse.

Yes, the Kool-Aid Wacky Warehouse. It all started when my Grandmommie bought me “Adventures of Kool-Aid Man” issue 4 – the grand opening of the Wacky Warehouse and Scorch (KAM’s arch enemy)’s attempts to destroy KAM’s empire. Panel after glorious panel depicting all the AWESOME interiors. In fact, I’m getting so pumped writing about it I MIGHT actually scan some for you.

It was….amazing. I SO wanted to visit this place. Oh yeah, I knew it was just a comic, but look at that commercial! That place HAD to exist somewhere. Man I wanted to go. To this day, I sit sometimes and fantasize that I will grow incredibly wealthy and that, with my ludicrous wealth, I would build an exact replica of the Warehouse. See, I can’t give Michael Jackson hell cause of Neverland (oh, sure, it’s totally a pedophile’s trap, but give me the point for a second) – if I had the dough, I’d build the Wacky Warehouse. Now during the week, it’d be just for me and my buds, but on Saturday and Sundays, I’d open it to kids (and their parents, so that Neverland thing wouldn’t happen).

Just this paragraph isn’t enough to tell you about my obsession. It continues to this day. From time to time, I check out Kool-Aid to see if they’ve brought it back. Sometimes I idly browse eBay for WW gear. Man, I miss it. Maybe I’ll dig up that old comic.

Oh, last minute plea: Anyone who has ANY issues of Kool-Aid Man comics but issue 4, I totally want to buy them. Especially if you have multiple issues. I have Paypal.

God I love Kool-Aid Man.

The “X-E” Effect

Ok, I know I promised Cherry Cola reviews. I suck, I’m sorry. Consider this executive privilege.

Here’s what I’ve been thinking about for a couple years: X-Entertainment and the blog, and Matt’s merry little band of followers, of which I am one.

From my observations. Matt posts to XE about all manner of fun childhood memories and…well, it’s hard to describe them, but the little joys of life that are private pleasures – something that each person enjoys to an unreasonable degree – a certain gum, buying hyped up new cola or chip products, or old slasher movies.

To my observation, Matt loves to write about these things, but seems at times painfully shy of publicity. Yet day after day we are allowed into his world in the most intimate way possible, as he shares his thoughts with us on what he enjoys.

What XE is, in my opinion, is like the Anti-High School. It’s a place where, due to its virtual existence and blog, all manner of folks pass through, yet only those who “get the code” stay – no overmuscled jocks to torture anyone, and in a rarity in the blog world, no hovering jerks to call everyone losers. Even those brave few who harangue Matt for more content are shouted down quickly by the loyal band, for they realize what we all do: this is a no pressure area, and it’s meant to be fun. If it’s not fun, it’s not worth doing. XE is one of the few places that is pure dedicated fun.

The “code” which must be understood in order to gain access to this world is an instinctual understanding of the interior world, the mental scape of joys which are common only to those who are a little more creative, a little differently adjusted. We all share something in common: an enjoyment of things which many would deem stupid, or unworthy of pursuit. To me, the magic is in this: we are all together because we enjoy things to a level unimaginable by the “norms”, and it is the sharing of this interior world that allows us to enjoy it even more. It is the knowledge that, at last, there are more “like us”.

To what end then, this enjoyment of life? I think those of us at XE realize something others miss: when all is said and done, growing up, getting a job and doing all the adult things is, in the final analysis, just getting back to what we were doing at 8 years old with a few more options. Go with me here: you have a house, car, ways to get places, toys and candy you want at the store, etc. It’s in essence the same thing, except now you are in charge of your destiny now. I think XE-ers realize if we’re gonna have to be Mom and Dad, we’re gonna need a few Castle Grayskulls and Kool Aid to get us through also.

C.S. Lewis had a great quote based on a section of scripture in the Bible: 1 Corinthians 13:11

“When I was a child I spoke as a child

I understood as a child I thought as a child;

but when I became a man I put away childish things.

Lewis said in commenting on these verses

“Critics who treat adult as a term of approval, instead of as a merely descriptive term, cannot be adult themselves. To be concerned about being grown up, to admire the grown up because it is grown up, to blush at the suspicion of being childish; these things are the marks of childhood and adolescence. And in childhood and adolescence they are, in moderation, healthy symptoms. Young things ought to want to grow. But to carry on into middle life or even into early manhood this concern about being adult is a mark of really arrested development. When I was ten, I read fairy tales in secret and would have been ashamed if I had been found doing so. Now that I am fifty I read them openly. When I became a man I put away childish things, including the fear of childishness and the desire to be very grown up.”

XE is full of those who have realized what adulthood is: a full desire to enjoy life on their own terms, and to forever cast away the opinion of those who are working too long, too hard and enjoying too little.

That’s why I’ve visited XE longer than any other site on the net. Because, in the most cliched way possible, “they understand me.”

Existential Angst 2: Electric Boogaloo

Hey all.

Remember my post about how I’m not about owning stuff, but doing?

Yeah, still working that out. You know whats perfect to do that? Moving.

Yes, moving, scourge of the universe. At one point in time, I owned literally thousands of toys, so I’ve cut down a TON. I went through multiple months of selling like crazy on eBay. Mostly I ditched my old stuff and bought useful adult things (new laptop, TV, stereo, Dyson vacuum cleaner). Now however, I’m left with the slightly less than valuable stuff. Sure people would line up to bid on Commander Courage from Spiral Zone, but who wants my old Robotech comics? Too old and worth something to just toss em out. So, I’ve put stuff too valuable to goodwill up on eBay. If I make ANY money at all, it’s worth it, so that’s cool.

Now all this you’ve heard before from tons of people. But here’s where it’s getting annoying.

I own tons of stuff that is worth money, is useful, but that I will NEVER use. I own an antique silver swiss made stopwatch. Beautiful stopwatch – worth money. But what do I EVER time with a stopwatch? I’ve also got a (fascinating) book on the rise and fall of the British empire. Now I love British Colonialism as a time period, but will I ever read it past a few pages?

Well, to cut it short, here’s the deal: I apparently own a lot of stuff to impress other people. What I own is fancy and impressive. Looking at my bookshelves, you might be impressed. You’d see my silver plated finery and say “Wow, you are one sophisticated dude” (or not, I’m working on a point, not being conceited).

I’m not. That’s the problem – I realize now all this crap is to impress others and frankly, it’s just a lot of trouble to keep this crap knocking around here and boxing it up to move it somewhere where no one uses it still. So I’m hoping the eBay thing works out. I need money. Now you might have seen me talk a lot about how much I spent. That’s why I need money! We’re not in debt (other than student loans and car loan). But we’re moving, which is expensive, and we’re gonna be in between jobs for a bit anyway. So I can’t just give this stuff away.

I’ve been giving things away that ARE worth something, but mostly to friends who would appreciate it. But most of my friends aren’t nerds or snobs, so there’s a limited market for this stuff.

I think if we (particularly me) would get honest with ourselves about what we own and WHY, we’d live easier lives. I’m having to trim down my crap I never use because if I don’t, I gotta lug it all somewhere new where it won’t do anything. It’s time to admit that the silver teapot might not be who I am, and that the repro Skeletor figure is more fun to have on a shelf.

Balance. That’s the key. And getting rid of a whole lot of $h1t.

OK, fun post next time I promise. Maybe tomorrow I’ll blog on my love of Cherry flavored colas. Ooh, and gum. Cola flavored gum is awesome too. Mmm.

I have rediscovered my love for Star Wars.

In recent years, I have LOATHED Star Wars. Crappy CGI, prequels that disappointed, 8 billion characters all of which beat the imagination out of you with their crappy Decipher fueled origins. But no longer.

What triggered this change of heart to appreciating “my” Star Wars again?

When the originals came out in the limited editions in 2006 (aka the Special Editions plus the laserdisc transfers that are the un-jacked up ones), I said “No more George Lucas, you jerk!” and that was that. However I have recently had a child. I was looking at my Star Wars DVDs and have decided to eBay them. I don’t want her tiny eyes assaulted by truly fecal CGI. Plus, models just look more “real”. Anyhow, I heard how crappy the transfers were, how they had thick black bars on em, how the surround sound was 2.0…bitch bitch bitch.

So I finally picked up Return of the Jedi at the comic shop, which was the only one widescreen and used. Trade meant it cost me a buck, and that included a back of Japanese bubblegum. So I pop it in to see how bad the transfer is, and to rip it apart if need be from my crotchety old fan perspective.

OH MY GOODNESS. As I watched, I realized: THIS is why I love Star Wars! This is MY Star Wars! Not crappy musical numbers, not lame CGI characters or an overdeveloped Boba Fett! The REAL DEAL! I can’t describe to you what a wave of relief it was to see these editions again – and to remember WHY I like SW in the first place! So now I exist in a happy, prequel-less world where Jar Jar can’t hurt me, and where I can use my imagination to make up anything about background characters, where Greedo can fly a Y-Wing like back in the day when I was a kid, and the characters names are Hammerhead, Squidhead, Walrusman, and not Ponda Baba or Momaw Nadon.

In short, I’m moving back to 1983, and Star Wars is comin’ with me. Modern era be darned.

EDIT: Bonus feature as a follow up to another forum’s discussion.

I had another thought after I mulled it over –

• I like things that “look real”. Ironically enough, watching that dated old footage from the early 80’s utterly convinces me that what is on screen is real and happening. Now here’s a KEY difference to point out – for my experience of the movies (which is only validated by me, since it’s MY experience), things have to look more real. Whether it is by memory, nostalgia, or actual ILM model work does not matter. The key is, I enjoy things when they look a certain way, and the origins of that enjoyment do not matter one whit, it’s that I enjoy them. As fans sometimes we try to take some logical attack plan to show people “Hey, your opinions are invalid” – which mercifully has not happened here.

• You know what largely tried to kill Star Wars for me? George Lucas. Not in the way you think – not by the prequels or the 90’s blundering of the Special Editions. No, what ALMOST KILLED my love for Star Wars was…

I bought into the lie that George has begun to tell us. That the trilogy is “not our own”…that they are “his to do with as he pleases.” This is a lie. Now the films, the rights, the merchandising, all his from a business standpoint.

But here’s the deal: You cannot give an experience to the whole world, and claim you OWN that experience, changeable at will. In my pastoral care and counseling class, we learned as a person or as a parent one cannot logically say to another human “Well, my intentions were perfect, you just misinterpreted what I did in the past, and your thoughts on the matter are invalid.”

My experiences of the trilogy ARE valid George. And you gave these movies to the whole world for 20 years of love, and then when you jack around with em you think we’ll just say “Hey, thanks. My childhood was missing something. Let’s go back and CGI in some more guests at my birthday party when I was 5, and that’ll be the way we remember it now. The old way didn’t happen.”

Once you can stop letting Lucas tell you that you liking his old movies is not “what you are supposed to do”, SW becomes a lot more fun again.

Man, I love Sears.

I love Sears.

Not words you hear too often these days. But I do, I really do. I think their good will comes from my days buying G.I. Joes with my Grandma (mentioned in my last post). Also, anything in our homes that bore a Sears logo tended to last and last through the years. Add in my obsession with their catalog coming out each winter, and you’ve got a recipe for a lifelong love.

When I was in college, I decided to fulfill one of my little ideas I’d had for awhile, to work at Sears & Roebuck. I was hired as a computer salesman, and I must say, the people there were for the most part, dynamite folks. Really nice, and the training was excellent, top notch. Good videos on how to sell, evaluate your customers and determine their needs. Of course, I was the only one who seemed to pay attention to these materials, but it made me a good salesman and I enjoyed the work. The checks were great too – even though we sold crappy Compaqs, I sold the heck out of em, and in December each check was like standing around collecting money as fast as you could. We worked on commission, and life was good.

After the holidays I quit so I could take my stash and live off it till college ended, which was a great idea I think. Since then, I try to shop there when I can. Here’s a little sample of what they’ve provided me in the past year:

With rebates, a 42″ Plasma TV from Panasonic before Thanksgiving last year – $900. Yes, 1080p.

HD Camcorder from Panasonic (price matched conveniently to Best Buy) $800 (including tax and SDHC card)

A weight bench and set with 100 lbs of vinyl weights, $80.

Two battery chargers with AA batteries, $5 each.

Then there’s the usual odds and ends. It’s really an ideal place to shop, as no one else goes there. I won’t lie, I miss the “Sears Tele-games” console from the early 80s, and Mom buying me Garanimals clothes and new clothes for school. But should Sears survive, my little TinyClaws will continue to go with me to that most American of department stores. They might not be the best, or have everything, but I know they’ll price match anything, and their service (if you get someone on commission) is still pretty top notch.

I sincerely doubt anyone else has the love for Sears I do, but there ya go. Comments? Any stores you find yourself attached to for no reason?

The Mall.

Today I went with Thunder Punch and Tiny Claws to the mall.

Wait a beat. Yes, I said “the” mall. As in, there’s only one in sane driving distance. Being that I didn’t want to spend gasoline to go to FancyTown, which is in another state (possessing a Nordstrom’s, where each time WITHOUT FAIL I try on LaCoste shirts, admire myself in them, and then never buy them), I went to the one nearby in Crackton. Crackton isn’t as bad as it seems, but I have escaped being shot there once, so it earns its name.

Anyhow, we went to walk around, and ate chinese at the little restaurant we normally eat at. I bought some ridiculously cheap rechargeable batteries and charger so I can stop filling the environment with evil used AA cells. Now its happily charging in my kitchen. This purchase at Sears was about my only buy, except for a dress at Macy’s that TP wanted.

I always used to think that going to the mall was about getting cool stuff, but it turns out that I more or less just enjoy going to the mall, retail Mecca of the world. I’m not sure why, but I find it comforting. I like the giant facility, cooled to just perfect temperatures for me to wander about in. It’s like a tiny city in itself. I realize they are dinosaurs of retail, but to me (raised inside and more or less loathing the outdoors) it’s like the idealized world to travel in. Everything there is shiny and new, and fun.

So I traversed the halls of the mall, and in general soaked in the retail love. It wasn’t bad, but I’d love a better mall with cooler stores. OK, I hadn’t planned this, but here goes a trip down memory lane.

<insert Wayne’s World flashback noise>

My obsession with malls comes from the fact that I lived through their golden age – the early 80’s to the end of 90. My chief educator in malls was my beloved Grandmother who has passed on. Back in the day, Homeville was a swinging place, with no fewer than 5 malls! In essence every compass point had a mall – Eastland, Woodland Hills, Southland, (well, the North side didn’t, but there’s nothing of value there anyhow). Plus the fancy pants mall outside and Kensington Galleria, which was like the all time great of malls – frou frou shops, 80’s stuff like Sharper Image (before it sucked), and some super sweet stuff. Anyhow, one of the things I liked BEST about malls, is one thing older folks hated about them – low light conditions. As a kid I remember how gloomy and poorly lit the department stores were, and this was comforting to me. I remember how I loved seeing the G.I. Joe displays with a single light streaming down on them in the 50’s era Sears we went to, with the wonderful darkness covering the vehicles and figures on the outlying edge – it seemed like anything could be hiding in the darkness. I’d spend hours staring at the cool stuff on display.

Now for the uninitiated, the mall used to rock out hardcore. First was the arcade – another post on that later. Second, much of the mall was devoted to THINGS TO DO, not just stuff to buy. Anyhow, each major department store had their own toy department. JC Penney’s was especially amazing. They were higher end (we bought our VCR there in 1982). If you wanted to lay down the coin, JCP was the place. They had G.I. Joe Headquarters, Voltron toys, the SDF-1 from Robotech, all the coolest Transformers from Japan. I can’t really explain to you how sweet they were. Someday I might actually draw what they looked like so you can see. But imagine a sea of robots, chrome and military toys – it was absolutely amazing.

So anyway, each store held something fun and awesome to examine. Pretty much you got any Joe you wanted, cause in addition to Kay Bee and Circus World (TWO TOY STORES) you had Sears, Penneys, Monkey Wards, and tons more. Each had a department. Anyhow, we’d traverse these places for hours, my Granny and I. She’d look for clothes and I’d trawl the toys. Anyhow, after we’d tired ourselves out, we’d hit Corn Dog on a Stick or another restaurant you could ONLY get at a mall (as opposed to now, where its stuff from outside). Then, grasping something bulky, expensive and fun as all get out, we’d leave full and rested. Then, we’d swing past Eckerd’s pharmacy where we could get batteries for my toys, and pick up Granny’s medication. Then I’d while away the hours on the carpet playing with toys till my cartoon shows came on or night fell. I need to write more on her house later.

But, another story for another time. That little trip down memory lane might go towards explaining why I love malls so much. Comments?

The Consumerist.

I hate to admit this, I really do.

God I love buying appliances. Especially things for the home that are useful, but also elevate one’s status into “serious consumer” territory. My Plasma TV was my first big taste of it. Came with a “Panasonic Elite Service” card, that was a trip. I know I shouldn’t let companies make me feel important, but I love it. Surround sound system was neat too, but not the same rush. Which brings me up to date.

A week or so ago, we wandered into Dillards looking for a new toaster, and there was an Empire Red Kitchenaid Toaster, half price! (Thunder Punch is seriously into red kitchenaid – mixer, knife set, containers, kitchen island, mitts, measuring cups, sponge holder etc). Man what a kick! High quality goods at a good price. I swear, it made me high for a couple days. I love things that will last, are high quality, and are fashionable but timeless. Well, that was a good hit, but of course, gotta keep it coming.

So, as TP (Thunder punch from here on out) was getting ready to bed down for the night a week ago, I pulled the trigger on a new Net10 Phone. Best phone service ever – crazy cheap, allows me to use only what I pay for with no surprises and an average monthly bill of $30 for TWO phones, and I never run out of minutes. My old Nokia 1100 had gotten crappy about a year back, and I needed a new one. FInally pulled the trigger cause we need to stay in touch better now. Right as I clicked “buy”, TP’s water broke. Perfect timing eh?

Well, it finally showed today and I spent the day programming it and trying to program the old theme from Macross into it. No go. But overall a real step up from before. It’s a Motorola v176. I don’t take pics of things, so no camera phone is necessary. Best part? Bought it refurbished from their website for $60, which included a 600 minute card, plus 300 minutes on activation. I pretty much got a free phone, some free airtime and paid for two months service. Nice. But that’s not the killer – cell phones are neat, but they don’t inspire the sheer “department store rush” I need. No, that occurred today when this bad boy showed up, thanks to DHL.

The original Dyson vacuum cleaner, the DC07. As usual, got a fantastic deal on it on Memorial Day, but man the rush from this one was huge. We live in a rented towhouse/duplex and using my grandmother’s old 1959 Kirby was not doing the job. Now that I have a kid, things have to be upgraded: new car, new toaster, new cell phone, new Vacuum!! All these things are bought to enhance my kid’s existence (and to not burn the place down). It’s nice to get nice new things and have a good reason too. I know this Dyson is a touch on the older side, but the cyclonic tech is the same all over. It appears identical to the Animal version of the DC07 that a friend of mine paid over $500 for. Plus its kind of neat that its the first of its kind, a collector item if you will. Anyhow, DHL dropped it off, and I can say, I’ve NEVER been so happy to vacuum! HEPA filtration, brand new plastic smell, and 4.9 ounces (yes I measured. On a scale. Yes. I am a cleaning nerd.) of dirt removed! It did SUCH a nice job on the carpets – pulling up carpet dust (the kind to make it smell better) that we’d put down months ago the Kirby couldn’t reach.

Man what a rush. I can’t wait for next week when I can vacuum again. It’s that much fun to make the house all nice and smelling good. Now at this point, if you’ve read my blog, you know I led off with a whole diatribe about how I am about doing not things now. This is still true. Before, my aimless lust for crap would lead me to a stuffed house full of useless things. Now I can channel my urge for cool stuff into useful things like vacuums and toasters and what not. I gotta say, it’s fun to buy a Dyson – but it’s even more fun to make a purchase and think “I’m buying a cleaner house.” That feels even better than the cool graphic design of the box and brochure.

But only a little.

Tuesday Morning, 7 am.

Cheers to those of you who can spot the mangled Simon and Garfunkel reference there before reading this line. We’re still in the hospital and supposed to be able to leave today. Aside from my offspring, the best part has been room service. Sure the food is just OK, but brought to you by someone who takes your order on the phone is tEh awesom3. Here at  last in this post is a pic of Tiny Claws herself.  Thunder Punch and I are doing just great. Can’t wait to get home though!

Not sure what we’re gonna do when we get there, but I’m sure it will involve: babies, boobs, sleep. Pretty sure that’s the sum total of baby existence. I’m gonna think of something fun and 80’s related for later on after breakfast.

A hint? Ohhh yeaahhh it’s gonna be awesome.

Woah.

Well, at 11:32 am Sunday, May 25th (Star Wars!), Tiny Claws was born slightly ahead of schedule.

Normally I know that parents are biased, but I tell you this with absolute clarity of mind: cutest. baby. ever. I’ll post pics soon when I get electronic versions. Like the genius I am, I packed 4 bags for the trip and forgot the HD Camcorder’s cord that hooks up to the MacBook. doh! So, she’s here, and totally awesome.

For my XE friends, it’s like going to the grocery store, Ecto Cooler is there, you meet Bill Cosby eating Pudding Pops, they bring back Giggles cookies, and you have some TMNT pudding pies while you buy deadstock G.I. Joes mint on card from 1983 and then Matt is there.

Plus more awesome. She’s tiny and cool – real laid back, and easy to understand. “Wahh” means

A. I have poo’ed myself. Change me.

B. I am hungry.

So far, this is a breeze. It will change I’m sure, but oddly enough, and not to sound like a punk, but honestly almost nothing in life has proven itself to be as hard as I think it will be. I think parenting’s going to be awesome – not easy, but awesome. It’s just a great feeling to know and love this tiny little person who depends on us totally. Everyone keeps saying “Oh, your life is gonna change so much” etc. etc.

Yes: now it will kick more ass than EVER BEFORE.

And second, yes, we snagged a new Suzuki SX4 2008, which is crazy sweet. I’ve never (read that again: never) had a new car, and this one is awesome. A timing chain so the belt doesn’t have to be replaced, all disc brakes, AWD, the thing is manufactured from solid WIN. It’s dark blue and fun to drive, and hyper roomy with a short nose, which compared to my old battleship is going to be much easier to park at Target on toy runs.

In the continuing saga of “get stuff that an adult would have”, I’ve been upgrading all my crap that was just “good enough” to actual reasonable levels. My old cell phone SUCKS. It drops calls, the voicemail is by some serial killer (“Leave a message, or I kill this puppy”), I can never get messages, I don’t know how to text, etc.

It’s a Net 10, and heres’ the thing: as a company, they are AWESOME. Good price, great deal. My wife’s phone is the R0XX0RZ. But mine blows. So I snagged a new one with 900 minutes built in and a flip phone so it quits calling people from my pocket. I hate that crap. So in 3 days, awesome new phone. It’s weird, it’s like my crappy graduate school life is being wiped out in a yuppie tidal wave, and my formerly junky existence will be washed away replaced by a middle class version of me called “Daddy” by the world’s cutest little girl.

Changes are tough, but interesting. I think I need some Jell-o Pudding Pops.

The Coming of “Tiny Claws

My wife, Mrs. Claws, is currently expecting. The new addition, whom I have dubbed “Tiny Claws” is arriving next Wednesday by inducement if not before. FYI if there’s a sudden stop to updates.